Haven't felt like writing for quite some time... Everything's been so up in the air that I haven't really felt like I could grab hold of anything about which to write. Life's like a runaway train, ya know? Can't stop it. Can't get off and go back again. (Thanks, John Mayer) Wouldn't if I could... but still, sometimes it does make me wonder...

I'm in my fifth week on the job at the church, and I still love it. Honestly, I do. However, I'm discovering several things. One, the job is HUGE. I have three lists of things to do- one full of things that need doing now, one of things that need doing sometime soon, and one of things that I dream about doing some day. Two, the people in the church are very human. Just as human, in fact, as anyone I've ever met. Should I be surprised? No, and yet it still catches me dozing from time to time. Three, change is relatively slow. I get impatient for things to happen, for people to learn, for myself to adapt, for... whatever-it-is to get better. I'm learning to wait upon the Lord. Pshhsht... let me tell you, the learning curve is STEEP. It's gonna be one of those life-long endeavors, unless I miss my guess. The comforting thing is that it's GOD I'm attempting to wait upon.

Yesterday was Steve and Morgan's wedding up at Devil's Lake, and it was beautiful. Frankly, of all the myriad weddings of which I've been a part, it was one of the most simple and authentic. Granted, for me, it was also a whole lot of work. We camped in the cold the night before, got up early and struck camp, went off to the Red Oak Shelter on the south shore, and got down to business. It was fun, in a way, making the room take shape into something entirely other than it started as in the morning. We made that little shelter into a fairyland... Ya know what's weird? We did it with an all-male decorating team, using vague ideas from the bride and the full participation of the groom. Don't think I've ever participated in anything quite like it. Not gay, but definitely odd. Whatever... it worked- the ladies were impressed, the place looked great, Steve and Morgan got hitched, fun was had. My love/hate relationship with weddings continues... and as with all the others, I'm so happy for those two. :)

I'm weary again. God, help me.

Change is Good

You wanna know something? Change. Always. Hurts. Without fail, when it's time to move on from one thing and enter into something else, there's pain. You wanna know something else? My own comfort is not how I define what is good or bad in life. Therefore, pain is not bad- it's just part of the path to get where God wants me. And just because comfort is the enemy of growth doesn't mean it's my enemy- I'll just enjoy it in its season. I've decided that bracing myself against change is often what keeps me from enjoying it. So, with that in mind, BRING IT.

Strangely Empty

I can't deny it- it's been an incredible summer. I've gotten the chance to work with my brother inspecting roofs, travel to Red River Gorge, KY to rock climb with good friends, fly to San Diego to help my cousin and his wife paint their house, canoe and hike through the BWCA in northern MN with a great group of kids, have some awesome times leading worship at church and spending time with family, and best of all, road trip to southern MO to meet my niece, Vivian Faye! I'm awed by the opportunities that this time of transition in life has afforded me, and I couldn't ask for more blessings even if I knew how. And yet... I feel strangely empty, worn out, like a balloon that's been stretched and filled past capacity for too long and then slowly deflated to an off-color, dejected exhaustion. I want to sing and shout and dance with the passion that I feel on the very edges of my awareness, but I can't help but feel like it's rushing by too fast for me to do more than feel the wind of its passing. I want Grace to fill me, and I want it to banish all worry, stress, pain, wanting, loneliness, trouble, fatigue... God, move in Power- only You could accomplish such a miracle! Holy Spirit, blow through me- true rest comes from You alone! Jesus, renew my soul- You are my Salvation!

The Last Few Weeks of an Era

grading teaching interruptions wander to the office to do some small task so that I don't go crazy during my prep period sunshine rain giant scrabble whiny students Fine Arts Showcase disorganized coworkers band did great! Draft of final exam schedule group project civil rights movement presentations gum on floor computer lab Not Coming Back Next Year pick up pencil paper clean up boss three weeks left no wait five with exams Memorial Day Summer leading worship at Westbrook brown truck runs rough locked my keys in Not Sure What The Future Holds climbing rock climbing gym Birthday students parents politics parents with hard Not Coming Back Next Year questions whining kids can we go outside?

Brown Truck

This weekend was nuts. I took half the day off Friday to catch a train to Detroit (on which my brother called to inform me that there had been a fire in their apartment... wow... scary!), arriving at around 1:30am. After a few hours sleep, I had brunch with my grandma, aunt, uncle, cousin and my cousin's girlfriend (everyone's got one, these days), and then took off in my freshly acquired BROWN TRUCK. Hooray! It made it all the way to Chicago on only three whole tanks of gas. Terrible. It needs a new carburetor, so it runs really super rich on fuel. In Chicago, I attended part of my cousin Aaron's bachelor party, and at said party, beat the arcade version (plastic guns and all) of Dawn of the Dead 4 (or some such game) with some guy I'd never met who was one of Aaron's friends. Violent and disgusting, yet oh-so-fulfilling. (He and I decided that if there's anything that EVERYONE can agree ought to be shot, it's zombies. I mean, really, they're already dead, ya know?) I then took off for sweet home Milwaukee in said BROWN TRUCK, arriving around 1:00am (darn all construction traffic!). Proceeding to rise at 6:00am, I arrived at the church at 7:00am in order to help lead worship. Two services and a family lunch later, I came home and, with my dad's help, managed to sell my old, rusty Toyota Corolla for $700 (which is more than I paid for it 15k miles and 14 months ago). Eventful couple of days, wouldn't you say?