To my friend, to be delivered on the day when she has been given ears to hear and a heart of understanding:
We had a phone conversation yesterday afternoon, and it was seriously discouraging for me. There had been several months during which we had not talked very deeply or frequently, and I was beginning to wonder if you were avoiding me. As it turned out, you were. All the perceived slights and lack of concern that you felt on my part had been piling up and came tumbling out at me like an avalanche, burying me in self-doubt and lies. For my part, one good thing has come of this: I have taken your words to the mat and wrestled with them, sifting them for conviction from God and condemnation from lies. How blessed I feel to have a God who reveals truth to me that has the power to dig me out of the deepest emotional and spiritual landslide! Here is what He has begun showing me:
- God loves me, even when you don't. My identity is found in Christ alone, and I must see myself as He sees me. Because He equips me with the shield of Truth, the hurtful, insidious things you say to me cannot corrode this identity. Let me assure you that I do take your accusations of dishonesty and lack of integrity very seriously, and that I have cried out to God deeply over them. However, I am far more interested in any conviction that He puts on me that is useful towards becoming more like Jesus Christ than I am in any condemnation that you level at me.
- God has called me to be a man who draws his strength from Him, has no need to question His love for me, sees the world with His compassion and relentlessly pursues true growth and humility. I will not offer excuses to those who imply that I am failing to be the new creation that He has made me and that I am not learning to behave in a manner more consistent with this identity on a daily basis. Furthermore, your past has apparently not equipped you to understand me. Confidence should not be confused with arrogance and strength should not be mistaken for threat.
- My absentmindedness is not a personal slight against you. It simply means that I cannot hold the schedule details of everyone in my life that I care about in my head and remain sane. To expect me to remember every conversation that you and I have verbatim and mull over them constantly is unreasonable and inappropriate to our relationship.
- I need to bear in mind that you have been and continue to be an instrument of major spiritual attack in my life. Satan takes what you say to me and he runs wild with it, using it as a baseball bat to emotionally bludgeon me. For this reason, I am learning to take those things you say that impact me and compare them with God's word. I want to have a thick skin and a soft heart with which to lead the worship ministry- by this I mean that I am learning to sort out people's opinions from God's will for me and that I want to remain sensitive to His leading both in my personal life and in my leadership of others. In the future, please be more careful to speak only the words that are useful for building others up in righteousness; while Satan can and does twist truths, there is no cause on our part to aid him in this.
During our conversation yesterday, I sensed a desire on your part to let go of your need for my approval and reassurance in order to feel valued. I would encourage you in this pursuit- your true identity can only be found in Christ, as well. Please know that I am not giving up on healthy relationship with you, and that I do remain optimistic about our friendship.
Chad
